Salvation
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: The great Buddha wanted US to find it. Well, I wasn't going to disappoint him. I was going to find the root. I was going to find salvation!


**Soooo just finished watching Deadman. Kinda pissed about the ending. Expected A LOT more. But gotta say, characters were A-MA-ZING. And prefer the subbed version HANDS DOWN. I especially liked Genkaku. Warped son of a bitch but DAMNNN WHATTAY CHARACTER! Just HAD TO write a piece on him and plus, there aren't many good ones out there which was SOOO disappointing -.-'**

**Now, no insult to anyone who is Buddhist. I've done world religions so the reference to Buddhism in this story is based purely on my knowledge and a tad bit of Wikipedia. Not perfect but I tried.**

**WARNING: Cursing, murder, rape, obsession, blood, light torture, bullying, psychotic epiphanies, pedophilia...I think that covers it. Don't want hate reviews. Oh, and Tamaki (bastard...)**

**Enjoy my first Deadman piece!^^**

* * *

I saw a pretty bird today; plumes of red and white with a shiny brown coat. It looked stunning, all nice and colorful.

Until niisan shot it with his BB gun. Then it was all red.

* * *

I got cornered by the bullies again. I knew they were going to beat me up. I could see it in their eyes; cold and merciless.

Niisan was right opposite, playing on his Gameboy XII. He just turned the other way.

* * *

'Why don't you help me?'

Niisan butchered an alien on his Gameboy before he looked at me.

'It's 'cause you're so pathetic,' he said simply. 'It's disgusting.'

Then he went back to playing his video games. I just sat and watched him play.

* * *

Okasan divorced otosan. She told him she had been cheating on him with another man and decided to marry him instead. I've never seen a corpse before. But looking at otosan's face that day, I think I know now.

Okasan married our new otosan two days later. I was fourteen. Niisan was sixteen.

* * *

He started touching me when I was fifteen. I didn't really care. Not even when he started kissing me. It was like the bullies. I could fight back. But what was the point when it would just lead to more pain and suffering?

Okasan walked in while otosan was kissing me in my bed.

* * *

She's been yelling for three hours. Niisan even started yelling because he wanted everyone to "shut the fuck up and let him finish his game in peace.".

I was getting a headache. Everything was making my head spin. Why couldn't they all just shut up? Was yelling at each other _really _going to solve _anything? _The only thing it was going to do was make everyone even madder. And that was pissing me off.

I got up and left. Nobody even noticed. Nobody ever noticed. I could still hear them screaming as I left the house.

I saw otosan. Not the one inside. The one okasan had divorced. He looked different; a weird glint in his eyes.

He didn't see me. He walked right by, eyes fixed on our house. I saw something small and slim gleaming in his hand but I couldn't make out what it was.

He walked in. The screams escalated. Then, they stopped.

* * *

The police kept me at an orphanage for a while. In a way, I think I belonged. Nobody picked on me. We were all the same there, unwanted and unneeded.

Otosan got sent to an asylum. They said he had lost his mind or something. Strange. He seemed perfectly fine when I saw him. Except for that look in his eyes. But it wasn't a bad look. Oddly enough, it made him look more alive than the day okasan divorced him.

* * *

A Buddhist temple adopted me. The old man who took me away looked kind enough. He was supposed to be a Bhikku. He actually smiled at me.

'I do believe you have the power to sow and reap good, Genkaku,' he remarked.

I believed him. At least, I wanted to.

* * *

There were four types of suffering; birth, old age, sickness and death. Once you had identified them, find their source. Next, believe it could be ended. Finally, end it. These were the Four Noble Truths. They were the essence of Buddhism.

For the first time, everything made sense to me. I always thought suffering was a part of life. But there was a choice. You could remove it from your life permanently. I wanted that. And not only for myself but for everyone. If we could live in a world without suffering, what a majestic world it would be! All I had to do was find the root of all suffering and eradicate it.

But what _was _the root of all suffering? What caused it all? Buddha never identified that. Like he had left the path half-finished in order to let us pave the rest of the way. The great Buddha wanted _us _to find it. Well, I wasn't going to disappoint him. I was going to find the root. I was going to find salvation!

I was just a monk-in-training right now. Barely 16. It would take years to become a Bhikku of the temple. But that didn't mean I had to wait to start my search. After all, Buddha was fairly young when he found enlightenment.

I kept to myself most of the time. The minute I had become a monk-in-training, the others had treated me with disdain. I was a new addition and having escalated to a monk-in-training so quickly, well, it kind of insulted them who had been working hard for years to obtain that status.

Their teasing knew no bounds. They would spit at me, insult me to my face and even hide my things so I would be late for morning prayers. I should probably be mad at them but they were young. They were bound to do silly things like picking on others younger and smaller than them. They were just…suffering.

* * *

How did it come to this? I just wanted to help them. Why…why were they doing this?

A rough thrust into my bleeding entrance jolted my body across the wooden floor. Raunchy laughter filled the room, filled my ears, filled my mind. I felt like it was consuming me.

I wanted to breathe to calm myself but every breath was like a knife stab. They had broken two of my ribs. I coughed up blood.

'Found enlightenment yet, Genkaku? Found your light? Found out you're good for nothing but as a masturbation hole?'

They mocked me. They jeered at me. All while continuing to pound into my aching body. It didn't matter who was above me. Their faces had melded into one formless blob.

I just lay there, body screaming. But I didn't utter a sound. I simply tilted my head back until I saw the Buddha statue, albeit upside down. He seemed to be smiling at me, face serene, body relaxed while mine jerked and twitched with my rapist's vicious onslaught. I think I was jealous of a statue at that point.

Why was he loved for his ideals but I had to suffer for mine?

* * *

The Bhikku looked disappointed when he saw my face.

'I know you are young, Genkaku, but that does not mean you should channel your energy to unnecessary activities,' he sighed and tended to my wounds.

I murmured apologies.

'Did you start the fight?'

I said nothing.

'I see. I will talk to the boys. In the meantime, perhaps you should find an outlet.'

* * *

There was a cat trapped under one of the temple buildings. A bit of rotted wood had cut up its tail and hurt one of its hind legs. She looked so helpless I felt my heart breaking for her.

I still had some bandages left over from tending to my injuries this morning. I wrapped up her tail as best as I could and used a bit of wood to fix her leg. I don't know how affective it will be but at least it will hurt her less when she walked. She licked my fingers affectionately as I gave her some milk to drink. It made me feel all warm inside. To have someone love you like that was simply wonderful. She even let me pet her. I was so glad I found her.

'Hey, Genkaku!'

No, please, not today…

'You complained about us, eh? That's not very nice. And after we had so much fun last night!'

'I don't think he learned his lesson last time!'

'Ehhhh? Well, guess we'll just have to pound it even harder into him, don't we?'

* * *

They broke my entire arm this time; twisted the fingers out of their sockets, yanked my elbow out of place, and then used knives to whittle at my skin.

They were rougher too, thrusting wildly into me and laughing when I bled. They even used the sticks they beat me with. I think those were soaked in my blood more than I was.

We were in the same room. And yet again, Buddha just smiled down at me. Mocked me. Goaded me. Find your suffering. Find their suffering. Find it, find it, find it.

And then, _**kill it**_.

* * *

'You got into another fight, Genkaku.'

The Bhikku was disappointed in me. Again.

'It seems…that you can only sow and reap evil…'

Loud cackling filled the room. It was those boys passing by. They leered lecherously at me.

'I have no hate,' I murmured. And that's the truth. 'They are probably suffering; weak, unfortunate and foolish, living in a fanatical world. Bhikku…' I looked up at him. '…is there no way to give them their salvation?'

'Everyone has their own salvation, Genkaku. There is no _one_ salvation for everyone.'

'But Buddha found it…'

'You are tired, Genkaku. Go get some rest.'

Before I did, I went to pray.

Why must pain be such a natural part of life? O Buddha, how were you able to separate the suffering from the peace? How did you realize that birth was painful? Was it because you suffered through it? How did you decide that aging was agonizing? Was it because you lived through it? How did you single out sickness as an ache? Was it because you braved through it? And Buddha, O Buddha, how did you rule out death as painful? Did you ever…experience it?

* * *

I was pruning the trees when it happened. The earthquake that tore Tokyo asunder.

I managed to escape unscathed. But throughout, I felt strange. Like something…_something _was going to happen.

Once it was over, I went back. The place was a wreck. It would take weeks to rebuild the place.

Then I saw her. Her tiny body buried under a slew of rocks. Her tail was bent in half, her leg angled oddly, and a stream of blood flowing out her mouth. Her eyes were closed.

Years of training my emotions almost came undone that minute.

She had been a gentle soul. She never hurt anyone. She had only suffered and suffered and suffered some more. Then why? Why did it have to end like this? Why was she ripped from this world before she could…?

Ah, so that's it. The answer had been there all along.

'Help…help me…'

I recognized the boy under the rubble. He had been the ring leader. He had also been the first to rape me. It was almost too perfect that he should be the first to receive my gift of salvation.

I clutched the pruning clippers tightly. The excitement bubbling inside me was almost overwhelming.

* * *

They looked beautiful. I couldn't hide my delight this time. I had to smile. I had found it. I had _finally _found it. Wouldn't Bhikku be pleased with me? I had done something that only the Buddha had been capable of. I had found the one _salvation_.

'Goan? Genkaku? Are you safe?'

The old man rounded the corner. He just needed to move a little more and then he would see it. My rendition. My lovely, lovely, rendition and monument to the Great Buddha. The firsts to receive my salvation.

'Bhikku,' I called out. He saw me. Then he saw my monument. 'I think…I have finally found salvation.'

It was living. Life was the root of all suffering. As long as you lived, you suffered. But the minute you embrace death, all your suffering was _gone_. You were free; you were at peace; you were beautiful once more. In death alone, was the final, complete _salvation of humanity._

I didn't notice when Bhikku left. He was probably overwhelmed. I would be too. It was such a grand discovery I almost wept myself. For years, I had been searching. And now…now…

I needed to share this with the world. I needed to give people their salvation. I needed to save everyone from their suffering. This was my duty. Just like it had been Buddha's duty.

Something glinted in the light and caught my eye. It was a shard of glass, separated from a mirror that had once been in this room. I shifted closer and saw myself. I saw my eyes. There was something familiar about them. Ah yes, I knew that look. It was the same look otosan had before he walked into our home. That look of utter bliss and peace. Something I had envied and pondered about him. And now, I had it.

I tilted my chin up. I should smile more often. It really brought out my eyes.

* * *

'I hear you believe in redemption.'

I glanced up in annoyance at the man before me. What did he say his name was? Tamaki something. The fuck I cared.

'It's called salvation, not _redemption_, you ignorant prick,' I drawled. I had changed quite a bit in the last few years. I had become more open about my…feelings.

Grinning, I leaned forward right into his personal space. 'Would you like your salvation, little man?'

He had the audacity to smile back.

'I have a lot to accomplish before I can accept mine,' he replied coolly. 'But I know of a place that could use a guy like you. Full of poor, unfortunate souls who need guidance and, how you put it, _salvation_. Would you be interested?'

'Would _I _be interested?'

'Yes.'

'…Hell yes.'


End file.
